Guys, yesterday was a bad day.
Not very many of you knew it, but I was scheduled for a uterine ablation.
I was excited at the prospect of not having a period anymore. (Yes, I'm talking about periods. Gross. Moving on.) They have gotten pretty rough, not letting me do a 90 minute swim without having to stop and change my tampon. I am crampy and uncomfortable the majority of the month. This , among other things, is less than convenient. So, yeah, I was looking forward to surgery.
My husband brings me into the surgery center, I get prepped, they take me back, I go night night. I wake up...
"We were unable to complete the procedure"
No one was willing to go into too many details, as I was coming out of general anesthesia, and still kind of in and out. I remember talking briefly with the doc, but no one else.
A nurse came to take me to recovery. She got me into the big chair in the recovery room. I began to cry. She covered me up, and held me while I ugly cried. She handed me a box of tissues, and apologized that I was going through this. She was awesome when I needed awesome, and I hope to track her down one day and thank her.
I don't want to sound all "woe is me", because I know a lot of women have it lots worse than I. It's so frustrating to think that the end of a crappy situation is near, only to find that it's not.
Today wasn't awesome, either. I've been in pain most of the day, which is frustrating, since there are no benefits coming from it. I've spent the day ignoring my dishes that need washed, and the bathroom that needs scrubbed. Instead I have not gotten off of the couch for anything other than a shower and to care for the kids.
I keep circling back to maybe this happened for a reason. I'm not defective. There has to be a reason.
Then I cry some more.
Maybe some day I'll have a concrete answer why. And maybe I wont.
Potty training, that is. A week and a half ago I was fed up. Completely done with changing diapers on both of my children, when one was so obviously old enough to not still be in them. Let me back up. I like to think that I'm a pretty patient person, all things considered. I love my kids and I don't lose my cool very often. But even the thought of beginning the whole potty training process terrified me. No wonder JP was so tense about the whole thing. I was dreading cleaning up messes on the floor and, I was convinced, on the walls, in the carpet and on every toy in the toy box. I had horrific visions of him going Picasso on the living room walls with excrement. And forget about going anywhere, whether it be visiting relatives or grocery shopping. I had heard horror stories of children still peeing everywhere after weeks, nay, months of rigorous trips to the potty every 30 minutes without success. We were starting to make some real progress until my daughter was born...
Maybe yesterday the surgeon had shaking hands and you were spared being butchered.
ReplyDeleteYou are crying because you were all set for something that screws up your life was about to be finished, that did not happen. Hormones were released, they kicked on the cry switch. You have every right to cry. You are not defective, you are not alone. Deal with it. The world loves you.
I had a different kind of surgery to fix what I imagine are similar issues. It was so bad that I had a weekend where I couldn't gather the energy to even feed myself. IMHO the medical world is not very good at dealing with 'female problems'. Crying can be way to release emotional stress and I think it's good to cry. So sorry you have to go through this. Sending love and light.
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