Mathematical Mama

My first weekend as a stay at home mommy wasn't filled with cleaning as I imagined. Sure, I did the everyday stuff... Dishes, laundry. I also got the kids together for my baby brother's graduation party. He's 11 years younger than I, and he just graduated from highschool last month. I couldn't be more proud of him! It was pretty neat being kind of a second mom to him growing up. He taught me a lot about the way kids work. We shared a room for the first 5 years of his life and he was always at my heels. Whenever I was studying for a test he was there next to me, asking questions about the text I had my nose in that day. He was the first kid I babysat for on a regular basis. Playing video games with him taught me to let the little guy win every now and again... Eventually. This was after I would mercilessly beat the crap out of his character. He has never let me forget it, and always asks if I want to play whatever new game he has just acquired and mastered. Today ...

Today is my last day where I'm part of the full time / mommy workforce. It's exciting, bittersweet, and terrifying all at the same time. It's always been the goal to stay at home with my kiddos. When JP was born, we lived in a tiny house in a yucky neighborhood and I was resigned to the fact that I would have to work for us to afford a bigger house in a better part of town. Since we have moved to our new house, more than ever I knew I would be the one to continue working. Matt would eventually quit his job at the bank to pastor the church exclusively and we would need my income and insurance. I don't think it's completely hit me that after today, I'm a homemaker. I'm the person that cares for the kids, maintains the house and makes sure that dinner is ready when Matt gets home. I'll also have a ton more time to give attention to my church responsibilities, which have been falling to the wayside. There are only so many hours in the day! So... Stay tu...

I woke up this morning to a growling 6 week old and a text from my husband to call him when I woke up. He asked how much I could cut from my allowance (I get a set amount in my account every 2 weeks for groceries, fuel for my car, and to take care of my credit card payment. Any leftover funds are mine to spend... I call it my allowance). I thought it over and gave him a figure that would cut out extra fuel I'm using to drive to and from work, money I spend on fast food cause its convenient, etc. He went over all our expenses and all he brings in. Turns out we can totally make it work with me staying home! Who would have thought... I drafted a letter of resignation and am officially a stay at home mommy as of Friday. I'm over the moon. The hardest part is to keep my head in the game knowing that in 3 days I'll be spending all my time with the kidlets. It's so hard to be the responsible adult.

So, after 3 months of leave from work and only one crying fit since Z was born (and that is a story all its own) I finally lost my cool today. My husband was on his way out to the evening service at church and asked if I wanted him to bring dinner home after. Since its my last evening home before I go back to work, I was touched that he wanted to do something special. He said he was going to grab Joe's pizza since "its going to be the last time I see you for a while. " *cue tears* It's not about working at all. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the fact that I don't have to leave my babies with a stranger. I hate leaving my babies at all. I really hate that I see my husband on Saturdays and Sunday mornings only. Well, while we're conscious anyhow. I started crying and telling Matt that I didn't want to go back and how I would miss him and the kids so much. He starts smiling and telling me how great it makes him feel that after bei...

Holy crap. My baby girl will be 6 weeks tomorrow. So all working mommys know what that means. It's back to the grind with you! You haven't lost enough of the baby weight to wear anything other than maternity jeans, yoga pants, and baggy tops as not to accentuate the rather sizable spare tire that has staked its claim on your midsection. You haven't a been out of the house for longer than a few hours and have not been away from your newborn at all. Come Monday... All bets are off. Now add to this equation a 3 year old boy who one day is all about potty training and the next is screaming "I don't want to sit on the potty!!! " I truly don't have a lot of room to complain. My husband and I work opposite shifts. He is a branch manager / vice president of a bank during the week. He also pastors a church. Our son, JP, has been the picture of a perfect child. He was sleeping thru the night at 6 weeks. He hangs out in his room and plays quietly even if he doe...